July 29, 2018

TWO MONTHS LATER

Welcome back!

I didn't expect that I would write another article since I thought I closed this chapter of my life already. But that's where I was completely wrong. I want to talk about the coming back process in more detail now because I went through quite a bit since I came back from Ireland.

Starting off, I am not going to sugarcoat it. The first month back sucked. Like a lot. I felt restricted, misunderstood, and out of place- I viewed being back as something bad or a step back (aka the wrong direction). I had the feeling that people expected me to be like I was before I left for Ireland and I didn't think this new me wanted to continue like this. There have been multiple days where I couldn't leave my bed and was unable to do anything. My confidence suffered and i felt more anxiety than I have for a while. I didn't know how to continue and I felt pressurized to be a certain way and get back to "normality". For me it wasn't really about going back to Ireland but more of a how do I continue without losing all the knowledge and confidence I gained during my time there and how I would be able to grow and learn more back in Vienna. I felt trapped.

I did talk about what was going on in my head with the people around me and we all agreed on one thing: time will sort this mess out I was currently in. Deep down I knew that and I believed in myself that I was strong enough to make the best out of it. But that didn't make my time easier. A bit more than a month ago I then decided to go to a therapist to get an outside insight on my issues and that was honestly the best thing I could have done for myself at that point. That one session was really helpful and I felt a lot better afterwards. Of course my visit to the therapist didn't suddenly solve all my problems but helped me to find ways to solve them myself quicker.

I am really grateful that I was able to go to a therapist because from then on my life improved and I felt better and better with each passing day. Since I got back I read a lot and planned a busy summer. I also did a DVD seminar about finding your purpose in life and it all really helped me see how I can continue from here. I am now in a way better place, the best place I ever was in this far dare I say and I am living my life to the fullest and am grateful for every passing minute. I love my life and I am endlessly happy regarding what I am currently doing and where I am now.

Talking with some of my friends who also did an exchange year I found out that I am not alone with the struggles I went through. Some of my friends felt even worse than I did, some had less problems with going back. But what was important to me to know that I am not alone and that it is totally normal to be overwhelmed by the big change and that we are all strong enough to make the best out of the oncoming times. All of us came out more confident and stronger than we were before.

I for once am doing great now, after two months of struggling. I learned extremely much from this experience and I am grateful for every bit of it, even the struggling, because it made me stronger and better than I ever was before. I am more confident and full of vitality than I ever was before. I am so happy and full of energy for everything that is to come and I am looking forward to whatever happens next.