LESS THAN 2 MONTHS TO GO

This is getting serious. It is almost July and I still don't know a thing about my future host family. It is lowkey freaking me out, like, most of the time I am chill and enjoying life and then that thought creeps into my consciousness and I immediately start worrying. What if they can't find a family for me? What if no one wants me? Two weeks ago we got a letter from AIFS with further details. They also mentioned that students who don't have their families yet shouldn't worry, because the problem is not with them. Maybe they still need to do a background check or just really try to find the ideal family. But in some moments those words don't really get through to me. Oh well, I mean there is nothing I can do so I try to focus on other things.

Today was my last day of school. We got our final grades and officially started the summer break. I legit almost started crying in class because I really felt like a part of it and reflecting back, this has been the best class I've ever had. And now I'll be gone. I think I will miss them, especially some of my closer friends from school. Oh god. Now that I really got into a class were I feel accepted and comfortable, I am leaving. But at the same time I just can't wait to get to Ireland and take part in this huge adventure. And that feeling of excitement is way stronger than the negative feelings so... Overall, do I regret signing up for the exchange year? Not a single moment. Will I be missing my newly made friends? Absolutely. Does that interfere with my (hopefully) awesome experience I will have in Ireland? I do think it does not.

Back to my class, we went camping for 3 days this week since it is common that you don't actually do anything in the last week of school except chilling with your class and/or going on field trips. We chose camping at a lake and it was fantastic. There were so many moments where I just felt pure joy and nothing else. We spent the second evening together at the beach playing volleyball, talking and swimming. A good friend of mine turned to me at some point and told me that it feels really unreal to him that I won't be part of this next year and that he still didn't wholly process the fact that I will be gone for a year. That really got me thinking and it made me realize that I will actually be leaving soon. Followed by that, I got a weird feeling creeping into me. It was a kind of "feeling distanced" and wistfulness, not necessarily bad but weird. Some of my classmates noticed and I eventually snapped out of it when a girl asked me if I wanna join them doing some acrobatics. I couldn't say no and it was so much fun. All that while the sun was going down. It was just beautiful and I am so grateful that I didn't close up and gave myself over to that weird feeling.

This was my first blog entry. My start. I felt like writing something even though technically I am still at home and not even in the preparation progress. But these are some struggles I have been dealing with in the past month and since they are directly related, why not write them down?

I hope this gave you a first impression and you had fun reading.

Evelin